Friday, 3 July 2009

my shit smelt of horse

I've been in France for 4 days now and it's hot like a cock to the mouth and i got so wet this morning in rain it felt like i'd pissed myself and i just got the internet working full time for my laptop.

I got to Toulouse airport around 8am, maybe 9am on Monday. After firing POW POW
"Bonjour! Parlez-vous Anglais? Non huh.. ah.. erm.. Toulouse Matabiau? Oui? Merci Madame! " at the bus depot woman i get the bus to the main city and then start fucking panicing that i have no real clue where the bus is going to take me.
So I sit next to this kid who's listening to his iPod and i'm starting to panic again and sweat this time but trying to look calm and collected about what's happening around me, mainly by taking in the surroundings of the beautiful city - seriously. the place is gold, its insane. - but at the same time still looking for a sign that points me in the right way to Matabiau (MA-TI-BOW)
And i finally see one as we go flashing by it.

I get off the bus and carry my rucksack and yellow handbag back into the direction of the sign and proceed towards the station. The rucksack is heavy. Imagine carrying a fat nine year old boy, and thats basically it. Once i navigate the crossings and find the station i grab my phrasebook and look up the city travel section, i have a quick glance through it, then queue up.
I get to the front of the queue and all my linguistic skills fall out my ass after " Bonjour. "
I panic. And i mean the sweats, the stammering, the mispronoucing of words; the whole fucking shabang.
Eventually after WRITING IT DOWN LIKE A SWEATY RETARDED CHILD we got through it and i got my ticket, directions and a semi understanding look of pity from the French woman.

I get on the coach to take me to Auch (OU-SSH) but i don't actually know where Auch is, so i kind of half keep myself awake by listening to Jesus and Mary Chain's debut and Jean-Michel Jarre's Revloutions. Also by starring at French teen tits. I enjoyed all equally.

The coach pulled up in Auch and we all pile out, the locals disappearing into the distance and leaving me in in what looked like a vila in Spain in the 70's. Turn's out this was the terminal where i was to wait for the HelpX host to pick me up, so i as putting suntan lotion on was my only thought at this point - it was about 42 degrees in the shade - i sat down under a tree and read Stephen King's The Stand.

About two hours later this woman named Zoe pulls up and we exchange greetings. She seems nice enough, abit... i dunno. Anyway, she takes me to the farm and shows me about to my caravan and the farm and her husband and the other family from NEW YORK BABY! but they're actually from Israel and they have two kids with them and the dog Nubbin and the house and everything. The land they have is amazing, plus the weather is so great; it ranges from MAXIMUM HEAT to the awesome rain i got soaked in this morning.

Monday 29th: Hot
Tuesday 30th: Hot
Wednesday 1st: Hot
Thursday 2nd: Rain, then Hot

I'm riding horses, stacking hay and straw in hot sex weather, sweating, weeding, cutting brambles and playing with a dog.

OH, special mention to Zoe who bought me a birthday cake after finding out when it was on Wednesday. We all went out in the evening and it was actually pretty ace.

I should be able to get this sorted daily, most likely third daily. I miss you all. xx

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