brokeback mountain really is a really really great guy.

i was listening to backstreet boys and talking about them to alyssa and wearing this fuckin crazy BEASTIE BOYZ tee and some guy came up and was all "yo boiiiiii" and i was like "whatever pal." to give him sum supreme brush off but then he went to stab me then i woke up and had a boner so now I'm thinking i get turned on by death.


We were in Neuchatel today, which is the same place I arrived in nearly 3 weeks ago.
Three weeks.
It just seems crazy to think that. I've really enjoyed it here, and I leave to come home soon. Thinking about it, I can't wait. Like, this summer has been so awesome. I said before how inspired it has made me, but it's like it's come with a price - because now I need to come home and it's like this huge part of my life is about to start.And I feel fine about that though because having a goal to strive towards will push me and drive me forwards and upwards towards the eventual finish line.

Whilst we were walking around the lake today I was talking to Alyssa about how I feel with my life at the moment. I started talking about when I get home I have things to do that really need to be done, and with my future rushing towards me. It seemed so strange to be talking to someone that I don't really know about my life.
Then I think it clicked.
I'm proud.

That was it. I am doing something, and I feel like I'm going somewhere.
I can't help but be excited with all the things I'm about to start. From projects I'm planning, to tattoos and tee shirts I'm thinking about. And to music, which has strangely been this huge thing for me for the last three weeks. I keep thinking about playing music in a band.
I've also got college, which will open doors and places for me. Plus it's in London, and I miss that place. It can be so much fun there, and obviously it has its hellish side. But I miss that I was there everyday.
I know that professional photography will take some real effort to get into, but I really feel prepared for that. I also know that getting a tattoo of a fucking spitfire on my neck right now might hinder my progress in a clean cut corporate media world, but fuck it. Let's just see what happens, and deal with the consequences after.

There is too much I can achieve with myself, I know that now. I won't succeed by not being true to myself though, and to who I am and to what I want. Never fucking give up, and never fucking surrender.


So the things I need to do when I get home. they aren't in any particular order but just off the top of my head as I think of them.

1. start a band called O Captain, My Captain.
2. go out more.
3. buy a tri-pod but i can't afford a tri-pod, so steal a tri-pod.
4. read more.
5. dance more.
6. fuck more.
7. drink more.
8. lurk moar.
9. listen to annie lennox more.
10. fuck more.
11. something else
12. another thing.
13. fuck more.