sharpay and whatshisname

Today is the 20th August, and the final day of my summer experience.
My weekend will start with a plane flight home, a party for friends for a recent wedding between two of them, a birthday party for someone I don't know, and a playdate to end the weekend.
Next week I'm going to Bournemouth.


I'm not sad about leaving Switzerland, but maybe I will be soon.

FUUU- I GOT A SWASTICA TATTOO and im listen to kylie minogue.

i somehow started writing this post about four maybe even five days ago. NO ACTUALLY SIX DAYS AGO NOW. the radiohead song Harry Patch (In Memory Of) is actually rad and i like the way he sounded.

Well things have been good recently. We haven't attempted anything serious with work, cutting grass has been the most harrowing. It's like things are just winding down, in mental and physical ways. After we sorted all those Paris Match magazines I made the suggestion of cataloguing them and taking individual pictures so Pierette can sell them online. This was such a mistake though, as its the nicest weather at the moment, and I have been inside doing this instead.
I fucking hate data input.

A few days back we went via train to the Alps, well... close as. Alyssa said we weren't as close as we initially thought, although it didn't matter to me. The journey was amazing and the views just stole your breath, as you'd expect. Clouds surrounded the tips of the peaks and turned into light wisps as they descended,
I took photographs obviously, although I am getting tired with landscape shots, but that's all that's here. I am itching to be home though, even if it's just to see people for a few days and disappear again.
But before I leave I'll steal a few shots of Pierette's girls again, I got some ones of them a few weeks back that should come out nicely. They are pretty camera shy, or pose dramatically.
I don't think they get what I am trying to achieve with my unposed ethos on people.

There is some small time drama next week.
My flight from Geneva is at 7am on the 21st August, so this means I need to check in around 5:30am. But even if I got the first train from Courtelary, I don't get to Geneva 'til 6:45am, and way too late. So my plan is to go to Geneva on the 20th, and just wait it out in the Airport. Easy right?

WRONG.

Apparently, Geneva Airport closes from midnight to 4am to accommodate for the locals sleeping.
So now my plan is slightly changed, as I'm still going to Geneva on the 20th, but I'll just hang out in a bar or something. I can get there at around midnight anyway, so that would only be 4hours to wait.
Which isn't really that bad, unless it rains and i have to sit outside as everything is closed and I get raped and someone steals my bag which has all my film in it and they leave me with my ipod as its broken again and they only take my front teeth and my tight asshole.


I've been talking recently to friends at home, and thinking about just getting back and seeing people. I'm ready for having fun with the same old people, and the same fear of getting to know new ones. A few people even asked to come out, if only for a long weekend. But, in the end times meshed out and finances dwindled down, and it hasn't happened. This summer has been mine, and mine alone, and it always will be.
I'll come back and tell people what I did over the summer, about the cuts, the burns and the daily boner jokes I couldn't make.
I'll tell everyone how views were stunning and unbelievable, how some people were kind yet poisonous, whereas others have shown me goodness and grace. I will come back here, to Switzerland.

I'd like to see Pierette again, and some of her friends. I had a wonderful conversation with my neighbour about her grandson this morning, and its moments and junctures like those that I treasure.
But I'll leave out how sometimes I was bored out of my mind with no conversation, sometimes so tired that I thought I was going to die.
And sometimes so lonely that I wanted to go home more than anything else, just to be safe again.


Next week is the final week, and the real end of my summer here.
College starts, and I have find work soon just to afford my basic things as my loan wasn't accepted.
Stan is out of hospital, but in a care unit. He'll apparently be home around the same time as me getting back. I'm told he still wears his catheter, but always asks when I'm coming back to see him.
I'm going back to the same people I see week after week, to bullshit drama and to forced friendships with friends of friends.


I honestly cannot wait.

brokeback mountain really is a really really great guy.

i was listening to backstreet boys and talking about them to alyssa and wearing this fuckin crazy BEASTIE BOYZ tee and some guy came up and was all "yo boiiiiii" and i was like "whatever pal." to give him sum supreme brush off but then he went to stab me then i woke up and had a boner so now I'm thinking i get turned on by death.


We were in Neuchatel today, which is the same place I arrived in nearly 3 weeks ago.
Three weeks.
It just seems crazy to think that. I've really enjoyed it here, and I leave to come home soon. Thinking about it, I can't wait. Like, this summer has been so awesome. I said before how inspired it has made me, but it's like it's come with a price - because now I need to come home and it's like this huge part of my life is about to start.And I feel fine about that though because having a goal to strive towards will push me and drive me forwards and upwards towards the eventual finish line.

Whilst we were walking around the lake today I was talking to Alyssa about how I feel with my life at the moment. I started talking about when I get home I have things to do that really need to be done, and with my future rushing towards me. It seemed so strange to be talking to someone that I don't really know about my life.
Then I think it clicked.
I'm proud.

That was it. I am doing something, and I feel like I'm going somewhere.
I can't help but be excited with all the things I'm about to start. From projects I'm planning, to tattoos and tee shirts I'm thinking about. And to music, which has strangely been this huge thing for me for the last three weeks. I keep thinking about playing music in a band.
I've also got college, which will open doors and places for me. Plus it's in London, and I miss that place. It can be so much fun there, and obviously it has its hellish side. But I miss that I was there everyday.
I know that professional photography will take some real effort to get into, but I really feel prepared for that. I also know that getting a tattoo of a fucking spitfire on my neck right now might hinder my progress in a clean cut corporate media world, but fuck it. Let's just see what happens, and deal with the consequences after.

There is too much I can achieve with myself, I know that now. I won't succeed by not being true to myself though, and to who I am and to what I want. Never fucking give up, and never fucking surrender.


So the things I need to do when I get home. they aren't in any particular order but just off the top of my head as I think of them.

1. start a band called O Captain, My Captain.
2. go out more.
3. buy a tri-pod but i can't afford a tri-pod, so steal a tri-pod.
4. read more.
5. dance more.
6. fuck more.
7. drink more.
8. lurk moar.
9. listen to annie lennox more.
10. fuck more.
11. something else
12. another thing.
13. fuck more.
    

jesus does my vocal tests

climbing the hills next to the house and we semi sorted out magazines from 1950 onwards that have been kept in the barn but somehow seem to be undamaged by gods armies


Alyssa and I were in a town with a free Zoo. I'll be honest - it was awesome, as it was free. We walked around and saw children running and shouting, with adults chasing them. We saw sealions, we saw spiders, we saw a llamas and we saw snakes. The llama was irrirate and moody and the sealion was playful and childlike. It was a startling reminder of an old friendship with Jim, but in this amazing, exciting way. I'd like to see him be a sealion again.


Today was hot.
The Sun was high in the sky and unrelenting in its fury to scorch earth and skin alike, so today we decided to climb the hills dominating the valley surrounding the house. They seemed to get steeper and higher as we climbed, but this could have been our imagination. It seemed to go on forever, constantly uphill and with little shade to cover my cut off tee and my tiny red shorts.

This morning I checked how much a flight from Geneva to Gatwick would cost me, plus trains and automobiles just to compare prices. I've been talking to Dan recently, with the possibility of going to Bournemouth for a few days to spend time with Tom and himself. I'd like to do this, as it'd be a nice break before getting home.

I might end up at Offset this year again, with Jayne helping me there thankfully.
Last year was fun, but I left really early to go home for some reason so this year I really should just get fucked up like Russy Evans does.
It's been nice to talk to people at home, even on things like my last.fm shoutbox. It's always great to get a message, or a bullshit email from an american jew girl about her toes, or something from the heart about ebay and missing people.


I feel like things are setting into place for the final three weeks here, and I've been so fortunate to do this now. Things are in place in my mind, in my head and in my heart.
I know where I am going, and I know where I've been. Soon it will be time to leave, and I will be sad.


I think I'll call this picture Rape.

i think the greatest hip hop album ever made is Doe or Die. its just off the fucking pan its so good.

this girl that is here got touched by her dad and her mum knew but did nothing so she now cant talk to her children lol.


This week is speeding by, its somehow Wednesday already. Like, that seems insane to me.
I smashed glass and window panes yesterday, and today i cleaned a barn out. It was insanely dusty, like insanely. I hoped at the end of it i'd look like one of those 9/11 dust mask people, but I didn't.

There are now only five days til this next person arrives. Five. Seems crazy to me, an American girl is going to be here. Will I want to kill her? I hope she isn't fat and have curly hair.

Innitially I was excited, then that turned into dread. Now I just feel a combination of all of them. Pierrette was talking about having a few days away in America, and to leave this girl and myself here to look after the place. I started freaking out about this as I had a horrible feeling I would hate this other person, then that subsided and I've decided to just wait and see.

The sun came out like a badman recently, and cooked the Earth. But today, johnny raincloud is back. I was in a barn all day, so I didn't even notice.
Oh, I've decided that I'm gonna come back when I run out of film. 10 rolls left, 13 rolls used.

PEACE. x

hi Sam, come anytime, tell me what you need to know or call and we can make arrangements. kind regards see you soon Pierette

OH MY GOD IM GOING TO SWITZERLAND this is such a moment. like, actually shaking here oh wow.

I woke up this morning with a change of heart. I felt lighter, almost serene. It was such different feeling to how i've been waking recently, i expect it was because I did nothing but read and sleep yesterday. But I can't help but believe that it was because I knew today was going to be good, different, full of emails from Swiss men that are excellent and exciting.

As i was in my bunk finishing watching The Shining this morning as i couldn't finish it last night - seriously, watching The Shining alone in a caravan was really frightning. I was constantly thinking about a chainsaw revving from the barn next to me then someone cutting the door apart - Zoe called me to let me know about these hot air balloons that were flying in the distance. Apparently, once a year - around about the time of the country and western festival held here - they fly from one location to another, across the fields and houses. The effect wasn't insane as she made out, but it still looked great against the backdrop of the Pyrenées Mountains.
So once a year at this country and western festival, they all dress as cowboys and indians and fanny about in the town square. Last year the cast of Dallas was here. Fuckin' Dallas bro.
Fuk Yer.

So today is the big BBQ and baseball game that the Uwins hold every year. I'm actually really psyked about playing baseball - i haven't played since school, so hopefully i'm still as good as Frank Thomas when he was in his prime (i have a feeling only Russ would know who Frank Thomas is, maybe a Starbucks conversation or something.)

Anyway, hopefully by tomorrow I will have a travel plan to Switzerland.
I hope it's by train; I have this fantasy of the Swiss mountains and me just watching them roll by, mile after mile.

Peace. xo