hi Sam, come anytime, tell me what you need to know or call and we can make arrangements. kind regards see you soon Pierette

OH MY GOD IM GOING TO SWITZERLAND this is such a moment. like, actually shaking here oh wow.

I woke up this morning with a change of heart. I felt lighter, almost serene. It was such different feeling to how i've been waking recently, i expect it was because I did nothing but read and sleep yesterday. But I can't help but believe that it was because I knew today was going to be good, different, full of emails from Swiss men that are excellent and exciting.

As i was in my bunk finishing watching The Shining this morning as i couldn't finish it last night - seriously, watching The Shining alone in a caravan was really frightning. I was constantly thinking about a chainsaw revving from the barn next to me then someone cutting the door apart - Zoe called me to let me know about these hot air balloons that were flying in the distance. Apparently, once a year - around about the time of the country and western festival held here - they fly from one location to another, across the fields and houses. The effect wasn't insane as she made out, but it still looked great against the backdrop of the Pyrenées Mountains.
So once a year at this country and western festival, they all dress as cowboys and indians and fanny about in the town square. Last year the cast of Dallas was here. Fuckin' Dallas bro.
Fuk Yer.

So today is the big BBQ and baseball game that the Uwins hold every year. I'm actually really psyked about playing baseball - i haven't played since school, so hopefully i'm still as good as Frank Thomas when he was in his prime (i have a feeling only Russ would know who Frank Thomas is, maybe a Starbucks conversation or something.)

Anyway, hopefully by tomorrow I will have a travel plan to Switzerland.
I hope it's by train; I have this fantasy of the Swiss mountains and me just watching them roll by, mile after mile.

Peace. xo

pinky swear

Today has just been glorious.

I have done nothing but read and lay about, then go online. So besides boredom, nothing could be wrong. I'm still waiting for a response from Swiss man, and I've asked Swiss woman what dates was she thinking of for me to come to her. I haven't replied to the Irish guy who has the monkey sanctuary, as i'll just wait to see what the Swiss are doing first. If all else fails, i could just stay here and go to Spain at the end of the month but i really want to move on from here. I could obviously just get up and go, but i'm not that desperate yet.
Oh, and this is what i did yesterday.

Its about 15 bales high.

listen to the manics holy bible buddy

i think after my heavy flowing period i need an uplifting post thats about good things and happiness and dancing and i havent had a wank since i got here and thats nearly eight days now.

Low and behold - my little spat of moaning is over! Oh yes, its gone. It's done, it's out the door!
I've realised that there's just no point letting things get to me, epecially the insignificant detail of bullshit and travelling.

So i managed to find a way to Spain that would cost me just under 100 euros, all in all. Which really isn't that bad. I'd leave next week on an overnight bus from Toulouse to Madrid, then another bus or train to Badajoz. Then I get picked up by Ian Smith, a retired Englishman who takes me to his farm and rapes me whislt his wife rubs her titties.

Unfortunatly, Ian can't accomadate me 'til (at the earliest) the 27th - which really slams my balls in the grinder as i'd like to move on, but not that it is mentally bad here anymore.
Basically yesterday I woke up and felt fine. And i mean fine. As if nothing had happened.
I'd spoken to Zoe and Fran on Sunday about how i was feeling and what i should be doing and they were both... well, cold, yet helpful. I know they aren't here to become my surrogate parents, but they were abit too easy with the idea of me leaving and that made me realise a few things. It made me remember that it should be hard being away from home, as I'm so lucky to have the parents and friends i have.

A quick note to the people who have contacted me just to say hello - Thankyou, seriously. It's a joy to hear from you. It takes a few minutes to write emails, draw me a fucking comic, or even just comment; i appreciate it all as i know how busy you all are with worrying about me.

Now I'm looking for my next venue.
As i said, it isn't bad here, at all - it was all in my stupid fat head. So staying wouldn't be that bad i guess, plus I realised how stupid it would be not even to speak French to anyone now i'm here.

I was sitting by the pool last night by myself, just thinking about how much I want to do with things; life, people, everything.
And then it came to me.

Just Do It. So i am.

Today myself and Reuben moved logs about. When i say logs, what i really mean is trees. Seriously, it was insane.
At the moment I'm looking at other places in Europe that i could get to, which - lets be honest - is anywhere. So if anyone has an idea where i could go, shoot me up with an email or a comment.
Or anything. I assume anywhere could accomadate me.

Anywhere that'd have an extra from an amateur fucking Springsteen video shoot anyway.

It feels like a month, I wish it was a month.

It's only been six days, thats it. Six.

It feels like its been so long since I was completely cheerful, which is insane. As i am happy.
I just feel like I'm wasting time here cutting logs, but i couldn't tell you where the place I should be is. I dunno, maybe it's a human contact factor. Maybe it's the fact that I feel lonely. Maybe it's because I feel abit useless here, physical labour not really being my best point.
I dunno. I started looking into how to get to the Spain, thinking maybe i'd go early - but it's like the hardest place to get to.
I need to just relax and let things take the natural course of time, and not want to bail " 'cos i'm feeling abit shitty."

It rained alot today and I went to market and realised i wasn't able to talk to anyone in any real way as they are all French and mon francais est merde.


I've never felt so naked in an open space in my life.

my shit smelt of horse

I've been in France for 4 days now and it's hot like a cock to the mouth and i got so wet this morning in rain it felt like i'd pissed myself and i just got the internet working full time for my laptop.



I got to Toulouse airport around 8am, maybe 9am on Monday. After firing POW POW
"Bonjour! Parlez-vous Anglais? Non huh.. ah.. erm.. Toulouse Matabiau? Oui? Merci Madame! " at the bus depot woman i get the bus to the main city and then start fucking panicing that i have no real clue where the bus is going to take me.
So I sit next to this kid who's listening to his iPod and i'm starting to panic again and sweat this time but trying to look calm and collected about what's happening around me, mainly by taking in the surroundings of the beautiful city - seriously. the place is gold, its insane. - but at the same time still looking for a sign that points me in the right way to Matabiau (MA-TI-BOW)
And i finally see one as we go flashing by it.


I get off the bus and carry my rucksack and yellow handbag back into the direction of the sign and proceed towards the station. The rucksack is heavy. Imagine carrying a fat nine year old boy, and thats basically it. Once i navigate the crossings and find the station i grab my phrasebook and look up the city travel section, i have a quick glance through it, then queue up.
I get to the front of the queue and all my linguistic skills fall out my ass after " Bonjour. "
I panic. And i mean the sweats, the stammering, the mispronoucing of words; the whole fucking shabang.
Eventually after WRITING IT DOWN LIKE A SWEATY RETARDED CHILD we got through it and i got my ticket, directions and a semi understanding look of pity from the French woman.

I get on the coach to take me to Auch (OU-SSH) but i don't actually know where Auch is, so i kind of half keep myself awake by listening to Jesus and Mary Chain's debut and Jean-Michel Jarre's Revloutions. Also by starring at French teen tits. I enjoyed all equally.

The coach pulled up in Auch and we all pile out, the locals disappearing into the distance and leaving me in in what looked like a vila in Spain in the 70's. Turn's out this was the terminal where i was to wait for the HelpX host to pick me up, so i as putting suntan lotion on was my only thought at this point - it was about 42 degrees in the shade - i sat down under a tree and read Stephen King's The Stand.

About two hours later this woman named Zoe pulls up and we exchange greetings. She seems nice enough, abit... i dunno. Anyway, she takes me to the farm and shows me about to my caravan and the farm and her husband and the other family from NEW YORK BABY! but they're actually from Israel and they have two kids with them and the dog Nubbin and the house and everything. The land they have is amazing, plus the weather is so great; it ranges from MAXIMUM HEAT to the awesome rain i got soaked in this morning.



Monday 29th: Hot
Tuesday 30th: Hot
Wednesday 1st: Hot
Thursday 2nd: Rain, then Hot

I'm riding horses, stacking hay and straw in hot sex weather, sweating, weeding, cutting brambles and playing with a dog.

OH, special mention to Zoe who bought me a birthday cake after finding out when it was on Wednesday. We all went out in the evening and it was actually pretty ace.


I should be able to get this sorted daily, most likely third daily. I miss you all. xx

Integrity - Abraxas Annihilation

This gets started the Thursday before i leave for France, then Spain in August. I start college in September, and I finally feel like I'm heading in a direction that is worth heading in.

I've taken photos recently - more than i have in a while now - stuff has happened to me that i felt needed to be documented, put down into film.

My Godfather had another fall and was laying on his kitchen floor all night, shitting and pissing all over himself. The guy is strong, but not strong enough to pull himself up, and he's just getting old and forgetful; he doesn't remember the wristwatch we got him that summons help, it's one of those press for help things - I'm not entirely sure how they work. All i know is that he didn't hammer the button and he'd ended up on the floor.
Whatever, he seems restless in hospital, rotting and sleeping.
Stan's 95, has a slight heart murmur and a slight water infection. He doesn't take any medication and lives by himself. He fought in WWII, and never complains about it. He is the old school of men, the guys that fought for what they believed was right.

I'd be lucky to do anywhere near as much as him in my life. By his standards, I should be married already, and have a house.